Langleys worst massage. 0170

Ok, this is why this site exists, you owe me fuckers. “Body Harmony Clinic”, Langley City, where Angels used to be. I used to go to Angels when I wanted some comic relief. The woman that ran the place who was just this side of crazy made me laugh. She loved to fuck with me. She once made me wait in the holding room and told Angel to “suck his dick until someone cleans the room” then stood there watching while Angel performed felatio on me, while 2 other girls in the room watched. Those days are gone. This place is why someone invented the expression “you can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still a pig”. They got rid of all that dreadful red along with all the cheesy looking Chinese plastic decorations. They paid about $100 for someone to “reno” the place and now it’s a wannabe not trying hard enough “new age” type place. Complete with the same old shower, black mould and all! With an added mystery goo in the bottom of the shower! I phoned first, to see if they were the same people or not, I got a faint voice that would only say “you come in, best massage in Langley”. Well fuck, I’m sold! I asked if they offered the same services that Angels did. She said “you come see me”. So with all the skepticism in my brain I walked in to be greeted by a woman who I would only classify as a GGIWWTF. A Great Grandmother I Wouldn’t Want To Fuck. I asked if she was the person doing the massage and she replied in the affirmative. Ok I said to myself, “self, this is all parts of not gonna work out well”, especially when she told me it was $60 for 45 mins. No mention of tips or otherwise, yet. So I’m no rookie at this shit, I was just hoping I had enough good energy stored up that the universe might throw me a curveball in the form of a good massage combined with a fun tease. This was not the case. Weak massage with a blanket on for most of it, uninspired and minimal pressure. Zero tease. Not sensual. She checked in a couple times. Tried to upsell me to 1 hour, but nope, just nope. Flip, she rubbed my belly for a bit, then asked if I wanted her to massage my legs. I pulled the sheet down and said “I would rather you massage this” and showed Broom Hilda my semi-hard cock. She looked at me, said “shhh” then looked around the room as if CSIS had bugged the place. Then she asked “how much?”, in a very low whisper. I said $40, she countered with $60, I agreed to that because it couldn’t get any worse at this point and I just wanted to goo and go. She gave an average hand job, like you’d expect from a really unattractive ghoul of a lady, clearly the Straight of Hormuz is open again because she used that much oil. I cummed, then on about the second last pulse she let go of my dingus and raced to the sink to wash her hands so that my demon seed didn’t stay on her claws any longer than it should. So for $120 I got a mediocre rub and tug by someone who has a face and body better suited to doing a podcast. I have two different go tos. Neither are knock out hotties but they give a good massage combined with above average hand jobs, it’s why I go back to them. I’m no Adonis, not on any level, as a matter of fact I’m quite ugly, it’s why I go to rub and tugs. The point is, I believe in hope. I had hope this less than attractive great grandmother had learned some hand magic in her 146 years. I was wrong and it cost me a couple hours of pay, lesson learned. Now you know, you were warned, don’t go there. No matter how horny your cock is screaming at you saying “don’t listen to him, he’s just a bitter and ugly old honky”, trust me, just don’t go to this place.

A highlight -level revue! Thank you B-U for taking one for the "team" Did you ask to see her grandmother tits??? 🤣

Banged_Up said: Ok, this is why this site exists, you owe me fuckers. “Body Harmony Clinic”, Langley City, where Angels used to be. I used to go to Angels when I wanted some comic relief. The woman that ran the place who was just this side of crazy made me laugh. She loved to fuck with me. She once made me wait in the holding room and told Angel to “suck his dick until someone cleans the room” then stood there watching while Angel performed felatio on me, while 2 other girls in the room watched. Those days are gone. This place is why someone invented the expression “you can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still a pig”. They got rid of all that dreadful red along with all the cheesy looking Chinese plastic decorations. They paid about $100 for someone to “reno” the place and now it’s a wannabe not trying hard enough “new age” type place. Complete with the same old shower, black mould and all! With an added mystery goo in the bottom of the shower! I phoned first, to see if they were the same people or not, I got a faint voice that would only say “you come in, best massage in Langley”. Well fuck, I’m sold! I asked if they offered the same services that Angels did. She said “you come see me”. So with all the skepticism in my brain I walked in to be greeted by a woman who I would only classify as a GGIWWTF. A Great Grandmother I Wouldn’t Want To Fuck. I asked if she was the person doing the massage and she replied in the affirmative. Ok I said to myself, “self, this is all parts of not gonna work out well”, especially when she told me it was $60 for 45 mins. No mention of tips or otherwise, yet. So I’m no rookie at this shit, I was just hoping I had enough good energy stored up that the universe might throw me a curveball in the form of a good massage combined with a fun tease. This was not the case. Weak massage with a blanket on for most of it, uninspired and minimal pressure. Zero tease. Not sensual. She checked in a couple times. Tried to upsell me to 1 hour, but nope, just nope. Flip, she rubbed my belly for a bit, then asked if I wanted her to massage my legs. I pulled the sheet down and said “I would rather you massage this” and showed Broom Hilda my semi-hard cock. She looked at me, said “shhh” then looked around the room as if CSIS had bugged the place. Then she asked “how much?”, in a very low whisper. I said $40, she countered with $60, I agreed to that because it couldn’t get any worse at this point and I just wanted to goo and go. She gave an average hand job, like you’d expect from a really unattractive ghoul of a lady, clearly the Straight of Hormuz is open again because she used that much oil. I cummed, then on about the second last pulse she let go of my dingus and raced to the sink to wash her hands so that my demon seed didn’t stay on her claws any longer than it should. So for $120 I got a mediocre rub and tug by someone who has a face and body better suited to doing a podcast. I have two different go tos. Neither are knock out hotties but they give a good massage combined with above average hand jobs, it’s why I go back to them. I’m no Adonis, not on any level, as a matter of fact I’m quite ugly, it’s why I go to rub and tugs. The point is, I believe in hope. I had hope this less than attractive great grandmother had learned some hand magic in her 146 years. I was wrong and it cost me a couple hours of pay, lesson learned. Now you know, you were warned, don’t go there. No matter how horny your cock is screaming at you saying “don’t listen to him, he’s just a bitter and ugly old honky”, trust me, just don’t go to this place. Click to expand... Omg 😱 you are a gifted writer ✍ I laughed so hard I cried… 💫

That Strait of Hormuz bit is killer 😂

manni said: That Strait of Hormuz bit is killer 😂 Click to expand... Congrats sooo funny GGIWWTF

Banged_Up said: Ok, this is why this site exists, you owe me fuckers. “Body Harmony Clinic”, Langley City, where Angels used to be. I used to go to Angels when I wanted some comic relief. The woman that ran the place who was just this side of crazy made me laugh. She loved to fuck with me. She once made me wait in the holding room and told Angel to “suck his dick until someone cleans the room” then stood there watching while Angel performed felatio on me, while 2 other girls in the room watched. Those days are gone. This place is why someone invented the expression “you can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still a pig”. They got rid of all that dreadful red along with all the cheesy looking Chinese plastic decorations. They paid about $100 for someone to “reno” the place and now it’s a wannabe not trying hard enough “new age” type place. Complete with the same old shower, black mould and all! With an added mystery goo in the bottom of the shower! I phoned first, to see if they were the same people or not, I got a faint voice that would only say “you come in, best massage in Langley”. Well fuck, I’m sold! I asked if they offered the same services that Angels did. She said “you come see me”. So with all the skepticism in my brain I walked in to be greeted by a woman who I would only classify as a GGIWWTF. A Great Grandmother I Wouldn’t Want To Fuck. I asked if she was the person doing the massage and she replied in the affirmative. Ok I said to myself, “self, this is all parts of not gonna work out well”, especially when she told me it was $60 for 45 mins. No mention of tips or otherwise, yet. So I’m no rookie at this shit, I was just hoping I had enough good energy stored up that the universe might throw me a curveball in the form of a good massage combined with a fun tease. This was not the case. Weak massage with a blanket on for most of it, uninspired and minimal pressure. Zero tease. Not sensual. She checked in a couple times. Tried to upsell me to 1 hour, but nope, just nope. Flip, she rubbed my belly for a bit, then asked if I wanted her to massage my legs. I pulled the sheet down and said “I would rather you massage this” and showed Broom Hilda my semi-hard cock. She looked at me, said “shhh” then looked around the room as if CSIS had bugged the place. Then she asked “how much?”, in a very low whisper. I said $40, she countered with $60, I agreed to that because it couldn’t get any worse at this point and I just wanted to goo and go. She gave an average hand job, like you’d expect from a really unattractive ghoul of a lady, clearly the Straight of Hormuz is open again because she used that much oil. I cummed, then on about the second last pulse she let go of my dingus and raced to the sink to wash her hands so that my demon seed didn’t stay on her claws any longer than it should. So for $120 I got a mediocre rub and tug by someone who has a face and body better suited to doing a podcast. I have two different go tos. Neither are knock out hotties but they give a good massage combined with above average hand jobs, it’s why I go back to them. I’m no Adonis, not on any level, as a matter of fact I’m quite ugly, it’s why I go to rub and tugs. The point is, I believe in hope. I had hope this less than attractive great grandmother had learned some hand magic in her 146 years. I was wrong and it cost me a couple hours of pay, lesson learned. Now you know, you were warned, don’t go there. No matter how horny your cock is screaming at you saying “don’t listen to him, he’s just a bitter and ugly old honky”, trust me, just don’t go to this place. Click to expand... I think that was a principal masseuse manager person I've been to their place in Surrey and discovered her before pleasant but super super not attractive in any way shape or form and they're trying to look legit but I've been other times and there's been one or two pretty attractive late 20s and early 30s from who come in from the metro town area and work there sometimes so depends when you go and you get.. keep in mind though they're trying to you know get insured and and be really above board and it's very on the down low